Judal wanted to run. God, he wanted to run. Flee the alley that stank of blood and fear, keep running until his head was clear, and never return. However that wasn’t an option – Both because he couldn’t leave Kaneki and also because his legs seemed to be having trouble working. That realization left another streak of panic lacing through his system.
You can’t run, you can’t hide, he’s going to kill you and–No. No. He couldn’t afford to think that way.
Kaneki was his friend. Maybe even more than that – Judal cared about him, so he had to give him the benefit of the doubt here. That was a task proving incredibly difficult though, those irrational thoughts rattling around inside his head as he struggled to keep another bitter round of bile inside his stomach.Hand still clamped over his mouth and nose, Judal lifted his head at the sound of sobbing from the half ghoul, concern still managing to interfere with the fear he should have been feeling. Kaneki obviously wasn’t okay, and Judal wasn’t quite sure why. Was it because he had been interrupted? He hadn’t meant to upset the other.
He made to move towards the mouth of the alley, to fresh air and a freedom from the gruesome scene, but his legs buckled under him, and he sank fully to the ground, trembling turning into full on panicked half-sobs.
“I can’t, I can’t,” he gasped, attempting to breathe normally.
“I’m sorry, I can’t… Please, don’t–”
The end of that sentence caught in his throat.
Please don’t kill me.
Kaneki’s body finally sagged against the wall when he picked up on the sounds of Judal getting to his feet, relief temporarily winning out against his steadily growing hunger. Yes, run away... Slowly, Kaneki let himself uncurl from the ball he’d drawn himself into. Get as far away as you can..
“You smell so good..” The words were barely a whisper on the half-ghoul’s lips as his head lolled against the wall, mismatched eyes fluttering shut as Kaneki finally allowed himself a deep breath.
‘Thud’
Something akin to a strangled groan tumbled from Kaneki’s lips when he heard Judal collapse onto the concrete. Dammit Judal.. The one time he needs Judal to actually listen and cooperate with him. His mind vaguely registered the panicked sobs coming from Judal, but by this point the individual words were lost on him. The relief he’d felt earlier had long since disappeared, leaving Kaneki with little else to grasp at in hopes of grounding himself.
He sounds so afraid.. (”Of course he does.”) Rize’s voice echoed in his ears, decievingly soft compared to her normal taunting tone. (”Anyone would be afraid of being eaten.”)
Eaten...? (”Yes, eaten. You’re hungry aren’t you?”) Fingertips ghosted along the length of his jaw, sending a chill down Kaneki’s spine that did nothing to dull the burn of his hunger.
Yes... (”Then eat him, you’ll feel better if you do.”)
“But.. I can’t..” (”Why not? If he smells so nice even in a place like this, just imagine how good me must taste..”)
Tears were beginning to prickle at the corners of his eyes again, but Kaneki didn’t seem aware of it.
(”He’s right over there, just waiting for you.”) Rize cooed in his ear. (”Go on... take a bite.”)
“Just.. a bite...” Kaneki muttered dazedly. “Just enough to make it stop...” To stop the pain, stop the hunger, stop the voices. Just enough for one moment of peace... that couldn’t be too much to ask for. Slowly, Kaneki got himself back onto his feet and crossed the alley to where Judal still laid out on the ground.
(”That’s it, just let go..”)
With Rize’s voice echoing inside his head, it was easy enough to roll Judal onto his back; one trembling hand clutching at the fabric of his t-shirt and tugging it aside to expose his shoulder. Easy to ignore the futile flailing of limbs as Judal fought against him, the absolute horror reflected in the other’s eyes as Kaneki leaned down over him, licking his lips one final time before the last thread holding him together unraveled and Kaneki sank his teeth into Judal’s skin.
(”Devour him.”)
Judal froze where he was clinging to the alley wall, eyes helplessly fixed on his friend. It was worse, almost, now that his eyes had regained lucidity. When Kaneki had first turned, first glanced away from his dinner, Judal had been positive he would be next. There was nothing in those mismatched eyes but hunger, a feral gaze he never thought he would be targeted with.
A desperate and unconscious whine of fear passed from his lips as his name entered the stained air. He had never wanted to know what the syllables of his name looked like on bloodstained lips.
And it wasn’t fair that there was fear plastered across Kaneki’s face. It wasn’t fair, because an expression like that made Judal instinctively want to help him, but a large part of him wanted to flee that alley and never ever return. The conflicting halves met in the middle, and so he remained where he was, using the texture of the brick beneath his fingers to distract himself from the horror of his other senses.
He tore his eyes away from his sobbing friend, trying so incredibly hard to shut down the terror consuming his mind and quickening his pulse.
This isn’t some monster.
This is Kaneki.
He’s not gonna hurt you.But, of course, avoiding looking at the living figure left his eyes with only one place to rest; as soon as they landed on the ravaged body of the nameless man, his nausea rose again and he threw up violently.
He stumbled backwards and hit the wall, half sinking to the ground as he squeezed his eyes shut and covered his mouth with his hand, preferring the bitter taste in his mouth to the iron in his nose.
The stench of vomit hit Kaneki hard; making his stomach roil in discomfort as he sat with his back pressed against the rough brick. Tears stung the corners of the half ghoul's eyes as sobs pulled themselves from his chest, but Kaneki could do little else other than curl up tighter on himself where he sat. He was distantly aware that Judal hadn't left the alley yet, but he couldn't understand why.
Surely he would have run away after all that? He'd even been physically ill.. Perhaps he couldn't run away? He'd heard him stumble..
The thought had Kaneki slowly raising his head just a fraction; barely enough for mismatched eyes to peer over his knees across the alleyway. Judal was leaning back against the alley wall, eyes clenched shut and a pale hand clamped tightly over his mouth. It was just barely noticeable, but Kaneki could see a slight tremor in the others shoulders as well, though whether it stemmed from fear or disgust, Kaneki couldn’t tell.
Now that his initial panic had faded slightly, Kaneki wanted to scream at him; what kind of absolute fool would just stay in an alley with that’s obviously a hungry ghoul? What the hell was wrong with him? He’s plainly terrified; Judal should be screaming, should be bolting out of this cramped, disgusting alley as fast as his shaky legs could carry him. Why wasn’t he running.
For an instant, the idea of Judal sprinting away sent a thrill through him; he could practically feel the adrenaline pulsing through his blood, reveling in the idea of chasing him down and pinning the older male to the ground. He’d celebrate his victory with a gutteral laugh before leaning down and-
Kaneki curled in tighter on himself with a whine, ducking his head back down as hunger flared in his gut. “Please.. Judal..” The half-ghoul nearly whimpered.
“..Run...”
Judal had been more than anxious setting out for Anteiku. Yes, he wanted to go see Kaneki, and yes it was absurd to think he wouldn’t be leaving the shop alive… But there was a loud nagging doubt clinging to him that the people working there wouldn’t be so thrilled about his recent discovery.
He let his mind wander down its twisted route of insecurity and panic while his feet carried him, mostly on autopilot. There was a handy shortcut Kaneki had shown him a while back, cutting through some alleys to reach the coffee shop in half the time it usually took.
Generally speaking, he shouldn’t have been in that alleyway.
Logically, he would have avoided it, seeing as he had been traumatized enough in such settings.
But he had a dangerous mix of careless and thoughtless in his mind.It was the smell that hit him first. He didn’t know how the thick and somehow metallic scent was familiar to him… At least, at first he didn’t. As he walked, slowly and warily, it got stronger, seemed to curl into his throat and make itself present on the back of his tongue.
He rounded a corner, and his step faltered as he stepped into a nightmare.
Red. Everything was red.
His first thought, inane in hindsight, was that someone had
repainted. Just splashed around with a bucket and a brush
until everything was a uniform shade of scarlet.His second thought wasn’t a thought at all. It was a memory.
Teeth tear open a vein the liquid rubies of vitality draining onto the pavement. The smell is thick, thick and oh god oh god it’s choking him or maybe that was the pressure on his lungs making the world go dark and everything was just red so damn r e d.The sharp flashback flipped all of his senses to high alert, and he tore himself from his mind to assess the situation. Because, the dark figure on the pavement was not, in fact, debris as he had first thought. It was moving. It was eating.
He stared at the ghoul in front of him, terror stilling his movements and his breath. Would it go after him if it already had a victim? Could he still run? God damn it, he wished Kaneki was there to deal with this.
He was too afraid to look too closely at the decimated body, but he couldn’t keep his gaze off of the mystery ghoul. The… The mystery ghoul who really wasn’t so mysterious, as he looked closer.
It was a realization that brought the bitter bite of bile to his throat, shocked horror that finally called up the latent panic and nausea he had shoved down.His lips parted to say something – perhaps call out the name of his closest friend? But his stomach had other ideas. As he abandoned the attempt to get out even a whisper of Kaneki’s name, he flung out an arm to catch himself on the nearest wall as his entire body heaved with the force of everything he had managed to eat that morning resurfacing.
At first he didn’t register the sound of someone collapsing against the wall, but amidst bringing yet another handful of blood to his mouth, Kaneki caught the faintest trace of what sounded like heaving. Out of reflex his whole body tensed, prepared to dodge in case whoever was behind him moved to attack. He was ready.
Blood smeared lips twisted into a feral grin at the thought of getting to eat this one too, how warm and fresh their flesh would be beneath his teeth. He could already imagine what part he’d bite into first; he’d go for the abdomen this time, tearing away the fragile barrier of skin and slurping down one delicious organ after another and oh, it’ll be so good. He’d eat all of them; more organs, more flesh, more blood, more more more more MORE-
Why wasn’t he being attacked?
Cautiously he turned, teeth bared in a silent snarl as he finally got a look at who’d stumbled upon him. He’d been prepared for an investigator (obviously a newbie, from the way he sounded like he was about to hurl), or even just another faceless human.... but not this.
Kaneki had never come back to himself so quickly after losing it to his hunger before; entire body stone cold with shock and horror as he stared at the black haired boy leaning against the alley wall. “....Ju...dal...?” Kaneki’s voice trembled, eyes wide with fright at being found by him, of all people. Immediately he scrambled for his feet, backing away in such a rush that he nearly tripped over what was left of the person he’d just gorged himself on.
“Stay... Stay back..!” Kaneki stumbled backward until his back met with the coarse brick of the alley’s opposite wall, sliding down to the ground and curling up on himself. Bloody hands clenched tightly in his hair as Kaneki pulled his knees to his chest and ducked his face behind them. “D-Don’t- don’t look at me... please..”
Dammit, this was the one thing he hadn’t wanted Judal to ever see.. But now he had. He’d seen just what Kaneki turned into when he lost control, he’d seen and he looked so damn terrified and sickened and...
He wasn’t even aware of the choked sobs tumbling passed his lips at this point. “...Don’t look...”